Vacation

On the plane. Thank God for iPads.

    I have been nervous about taking my son on a long trip.   I am very fortunate in that I have a genius for a brother, who has done very well for himself.   He, and my sister in law, are very generous people who happen to love traveling.  Thankfully they love us too, and always invite us to go on trips with them.  For the past couple of years, I have painfully declined going on these trips, even a trip to Italy.  My son has just not been in a good enough place to travel, and I just wasn’t up for taking the risk of what might happen dragging him across the globe. I wasn’t even up for taking him with me to the grocery store half the time.  I explain some of his issues and my fears about traveling in another blog here.  This time, however, my family was traveling to Colorado, only 2 short flights away.  For the past few months, my son has been much happier, and people talking and other things that have been known to set him off, have not been as frustrating to him as they have been in the past.  We had also taken him to Colorado a couple of years ago and he loved it.  So, my husband and I decided to give it a try and go for it.  I’m so glad we did. 

     Beckett was so excited to be in the airport.  He loved flying, looking out the window, and talking about the clouds.  He loves spinning, swinging , and most types of movement, so the sensation of flying was awesome for his little sensory seeking body.  He did become frustrated when the stewardess or pilot would speak over the loudspeaker on the plane.  But, thankfully we could distract him with toys, snacks, or put on his headphones.  He never went into a full-blown meltdown, which I was fearful of.  He even had some kind of a stomach issue that day, which was really fun in airport bathrooms.  Yuck.            

      He loved playing in the snow, but if it somehow snuck into his clothes and got him wet or cold, then he was done. But I guess that would aggravate me too.   We ate at restaurants, with very little fussing, one even had a live band, and it didn’t bother him one bit. “Who is this kid?”  I wondered.  He tolerated his cousins and even kind of played with them, which was great.  He usually plays alone, not allowing many people into his little world.  I found him and my nephew cuddled up on the couch playing iPad games together one night. 

     Whenever he would start getting overloaded and frustrated, we would take him to the “time out room.”  There was a circular shaped little room detached from the house overlooking the mountain.  It was all windows from floor to ceiling and had the most comfortable lounge chairs.  It was also the quietest space I have ever been in.   Needless to say, Beckett loved this room, so did my husband, who also sometimes needs a little “time out.”  I loved it too.  We would go and sit in there for a while and just watch the snow fall and everyone would feel better.  I need one of these rooms in my yard at home, but it would just overlook the grass and there would be no snow.  Not quite the same.   

The "time out" room

      All in all it was a great trip.  I was a little nervous about flying home, but not as much as I was to get there.  As luck would have it, Beckett still loved flying on the way home, and was awesome!  Unfortunately, my worst nightmare came true for a woman who was sitting in front of us.  She was traveling with her husband and 4 children.  She was holding her youngest who was probably 1 ½ or so.  The poor little guy was unhappy for some of the flight, but when we started descending for landing became totally inconsolable.  He cried so hard that he threw up a couple of times.  I wanted to help this woman so badly.  I knew this could’ve easily been me!  I felt so helpless; I didn’t know what to do for her.  I tried offering her one of Beckett’s toys, thinking the novelty of a new toy might distract him.  But, she politely declined saying,” Thanks but he might barf on it.”  I told her it was ok, but I didn’t want to be pushy or aggravating to her so I just let her be.  I wanted to offer her wipes, extra clothes, or anything else I possibly could, but I could tell, understandably, that she didn’t really want to talk to anyone.  I would’ve felt the same way.  I heard her husband say that they had another plane to catch in 20 minutes.  I don’t know what happened to them, but I hope they made it home ok. 

      We got on our next flight and made it home with no problems. The stewardess on the plane was really sweet and kept coming to talk to us, and Beckett called her a doctor.  This really cracked us up.  When we landed Beckett appropriately quoted Dora the explorer, saying “We did it!”  Yes we did, buddy, yes we did.

What did I learn from this experience?  I think I’ll stop being such a wuss, put on my big girl pants, and take my kid out more.  If he has a meltdown, oh well.  He obviously likes being out around people, doing new things, and having adventures, so I promise to try harder.

Just Keep Swimming

Source: reddit.com via Melissa on Pinterest

This pretty much sums it up.  If I had a dollar for every time we've watched "Nemo" in this house, I'd be a bizillionaire!  Just keep swimming my friends and remember, "Fish are friends, not food."  Oops, I ate sushi this weekend...

This Valentine's Day

This Valentine’s Day, show your husband how much you care…

1    Buy a nice gift.

Like that Michael Kors watch you’ve been dying for, or those killer boots that cost $400.  He’ll be so happy that you FINALLY did something for yourself and really, what makes him happier than seeing YOU smile?!

2.     Plan a special date.

      Arrange to have an afternoon at the spa followed by dinner and drinks… with your girlfriends.  Have the hubby pick up the kids from school and spend a little quality time with them.  This will show him how much you care about their relationship.  

3.     Show him you care about his health.

      When that commercial with David Beckham comes on, you know the one where all he’s wearing are those boxer briefs, and you’re trying to pretend like it’s not super hot, you don’t even notice it, and your not drooling all over the floor, look at your husband, raise one eyebrow and ask,” Have YOU worked out lately?” 

4.      Spend time together as a family.

Have your husband cook breakfast while you and the kids lie around watching TV.  Make sure to go into the kitchen every few minutes to get more coffee, and point out all the things he is doing wrong.  Guys love this.

Last but not least,

5.      Make some time for just the two of you.
     Cuddle up on the couch and watch your favorite episodes of the “Real Housewives of Wherever.”  Have your husband rub your feet and feed you chocolates, and then you fall asleep.  Your husband loves you so much; he will find nothing more romantic than gazing into your angelic face while you sleep, (probably dreaming of David Beckham).

Oh, Good Grief!

    Going around the internet reading different autism blog posts, I have learned that the online autism community doesn’t necessarily agree (to put it mildly) on lots of things like vaccines, diets, genetics, therapies, the color socks your kid should wear, (just kidding, seeing if you were paying attention) etc.  There are so many different opinions going around. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, so in my opinion we shouldn’t attack anyone for what they believe is best for their child and themselves.  There is one thing that I’ve seen people get criticized for many times, and that is “grieving autism.”  I’ve read people’s comments that basically say, if you grieve the fact that your child has autism, then you must not love your child.  You don’t love them for who they are, and you want to change them. This really hurt me when I was going through the grieving process during the early stages of my son’s autism.  I felt horrible and guilty for having these feelings.  Of course I love my child and I don’t want to change who he is, but I think it is only human to grieve something that affects your family’s life so deeply. 

    Before autism, I had no idea what OT, PT, ST, ASD, IEP, or ABA, stood for.  I had never set foot in a neurologists or psychiatrist’s office, had no idea what a gluten/casein free diet was, and had never heard of Temple Grandin.  I didn’t understand kids that were “picky eaters” and had no idea what “sensory seeking” meant.  I thought I was in control of my life and that everything had to be a certain way.  I had never experienced real pain, sadness, or depression.  I had never felt what it was like to love someone so much, that you would sacrifice everything to take away their pain.  I had no idea what patience and strength REALLY meant.  I didn’t know what it was like to appreciate the littlest things and to celebrate the smallest victories.  I never had the experience of being so proud of someone simply for just being who they are.   My son has taught me countless things.  He amazes me everyday.  Do I wish I could make life easier for him?  Do I wish he had friends and got invited to do things with other kids?  Do I wish he could run and play outside in the afternoons instead of going through multiple therapy sessions?  Do I wish I could take away his pain and frustrations?  Do I constantly worry about the future?  YES, I do.  But, what he has taught me the most about is unconditional love.  Yes, I did grieve and some days I still struggle, but so what?  I'm doing the best I can – and thats all you can do.

The Perfect Mom

Ladies, when did you realize that you were not going to be the “perfect mom?”  For me, I think it was the day I brought my son home from the hospital. Before I had a child, I had all these plans of how I would be the “perfect mom.”  You know, the one whose children are always dressed in the most adorable outfits without a spot on them.  The one whose kids follow her around the mall and grocery store like little ducklings never touching anything or throwing themselves on the floor.  The mom, who cooks all organic delicious dinners every night, sends fruits and veggies in their kid’s lunch boxes, AND their kids actually eat them!  The mom who cuts her kid’s sandwiches into heart shapes and bakes cute little desserts.  The mom who would never be seen driving through the McDonald’s drive through, not even when she’s on a road trip with her five children in a mini van.  The mom, who home schools all of her kids, never complains, loves every minute of it, and is grateful to have the opportunity to do so.   The mom who takes her kids on educational camping trips, long bike rides, and has family football games and potato sack races in the yard just like the Brady Bunch. The mom who doesn’t even own a TV in the house.   The mom who never hires a babysitter because she enjoys spending every moment she can with her children and never needs any “me time.” Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating, but my point is, boy was I delusional!  Clearly, I was setting myself up for failure.

Instead the reality is my kid’s clothes are always stained.  I let him play outside in the mud and in the rain.  I let him finger-paint his entire body if he wants. There are holes in his shirts because he likes to chew on them.  I will usually feed him whatever he will eat, even fast food (gasp!), since he will hardly eat anything.  He even has his own peanut butter jar at home that he eats out of with a spoon, and I confess that I’ve never baked anything that didn’t come out of a box. I honestly don’t think I could EVER attempt homeschooling, not that I don’t think homeschooling is great. I just couldn’t do it.   We watch too much TV, haven’t been on one camping trip, and I don’t even know where to get a potato sack.  I would really love to find some though, because the thought of my husband hopping around the yard in one makes me giggle.  

People sometimes put too much pressure on themselves.  No one is perfect.  Just do the best you can and try not to feel guilty about what you didn’t do.  I’ve learned to let a lot of things go.   Did you attempt to feed, dress, and hug your children today?  Maybe spent a little time with them and told them you love them?  Great, then go reward your self with some chocolate or a glass of wine.  You deserve it.  You can thank me later.

B's new jam

So, after several months of my boy not liking the sound of any music, he finally found a song he really enjoys!  He even likes to sing along, which is awesome!  He's five years old so you're probably thinking he loves "Wheels on the Bus" or "The Itsy Bitsy Spider."  Nah, the song he loves is "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga!  He sings "Carrie By" (can't read my)  at the top of his lungs.  In this video, he uses what I call the "run around the mic" technique.  Yeah, you've probably never seen this done before.  He is ahead of his time.  All the cool bands will be doing it soon, just you wait and see.  Thank you, Lady Gaga for helping  my son discover his beautiful singing voice.  I wonder if she ever considered a career in ABA therapy?

To fly the friendly skies?

Well, in a few weeks I will do something that has become one of my biggest fears.  I will fly on a plane with my child.  Yes, we have done it before, but not in a couple of years.  Not since “the talking thing” as we call it started.  The talking thing is when Beckett cries and throws a fit because he doesn’t like the sound of other people talking.  It might be the tone of voice, the way the words go by so quickly that he can’t understand them, whatever it is, he doesn’t like it and basic conversation even the sound of the tv and radio can send him into hysterics.  We’ve tried  1,947,362 different things to attempt to remedy this issue.  It disappeared for some time, but has reoccurred recently.  It is not nearly as bad as it used to be, but can still be uncomfortable at times. 

Then why in the world are you taking him on a plane, you might ask?  Well, the simple answer is, he deserves to go on vacations and have a nice time like everyone else does, AND, he might NOT freak out on the plane – I just don’t know.   But, I will be awake at night thinking about it for the next month.  Then there will be the flight back home…

So, my husband and I will be armed with things to distract and entertain him on that plane in hopes that he doesn’t become agitated.  I decided to google “traveling on a plane with an autistic child” thinking I could maybe get a few other ideas.  While I did find a few ideas, I also found some comments that sure did fire me up!  I came across an article from USA today about how flying with children with autism can be difficult for families.  Some of the comments that were left below the article are simply unbelievable.  I have to state that some of these are excerpts from the full comment.  I didn’t want to bore you with the full rambling comments that really don’t make these people sound any less “jerkish.”  You like that word?  I just made it up…

There were 7 pages of comments, here are just a few:

 “I recommend driving for people with children that have autism. Why put your child through the horror and subject others to the discomfort. It is simply rude.”

“If your child, for whatever reason, cannot travel without tantrums, do not fly. Your child, no matter what the age or difficulty, is not my problem. I hate these parents who think that the fact that they had a child makes it so that they can inflict that child on everyone else. Quit being so self-centered and control it.”

“If you cannot take the cramped quarters, noise, and rules you should not fly. You do not have a right to fly! Why should the other public, paying out the nose, be forced to put up with a mentally unstable kid.”

First of all, my child has flown before and he liked it.  It didn’t scare him or put him through any horror.  So, I really don’t feel like I am doing anything to hurt him by putting him on a plane.  Yes, people talking sometimes agitate him and some other sounds do bother him, and yes he MIGHT throw a tantrum. If he does, I will do my best to get it under control.  What people don’t understand is that when my child throws a "tantrum", or has a meltdown, there is no reasoning with him. There is no bribery, or “if you don’t stop that by the time I count to 5…” He doesn’t get that concept yet at this point in his life – he might later.  All he knows is that his senses are overloaded and he is MAD!  He can’t control it. When he’s in meltdown mode, it’s nearly impossible to distract him or calm him down.  It isn’t about being a spoiled brat or not being taught the right way to act.  We try our best to teach him these things – believe me.  

I’m just saying, sometimes people need to go places and I’m sorry if it might make you uncomfortable on the plane for a while.  Is it going to ruin your life?  Not likely.  What if my child had to travel a long distance, like some with autism frequently do, for a doctor or therapy appointment?  Should they not go because they might make someone on the plane uncomfortable?  I try to be considerate of other people as much as I can but, geez…

But wait, I saved the best quote for last.  This one is a gem:

“This article is a total waste.  Autism is a make-believe disease, created by the medical industry to sell more drugs & un-necessary procedures.”

REALLY DUDE?!  Are you serious?  Yep, the doctors made up that autism and we’re all fallin’ for it!   Thanks for clearing that up for me.  I guess since we now know that it’s all made up, we’ll wake up in the morning and all of our kids will be walking around totally "cured."  Also, for the record, my child has never had any “un-necessary procedures”  that I know of. But, thanks for your two cents.   Ok, I’m finished ranting.  Back to my calm centered self.  Aaaaahhhh…

What do YOU think?  Is it wrong for my family to fly?

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Autism Society of Acadiana

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