Saturday, August 25, 2012

One of those moments

One of my son's awesome fashion creations.  I read this quote somewhere, "People with autism help to offset the excessive number of boring people on Earth." I  love this kid.

So, summer is officially over around here.  All the plans I had, all the things I wanted to get done over the summer did not happen.  But, that’s what usually happens when you try to plan things.  Right? I thought I would have my son fully potty trained, speaking in sentences, and socializing with other kids like a pro by the end of the summer.  Well, those things did NOT happen.  Everything is pretty much the same.  I’m not complaining or saying it’s a bad thing.  It is what it is.  But, I went into the summer with way too many expectations.  By the end of it, I relaxed and just let everything be.  I let my son stay in his pj’s all day and do whatever he wanted, and some days didn’t shove one flash card in his face.  Now, school is back in.  We haven’t had much change, because he is in the same class as last year with the same teacher.  It is familiar and he likes it.  I get to breathe easy for the time being. 

The other day, I had one of those moments where it just hits you.  As you might know, I am a teacher.  I was sitting in my classroom with one of my Kindergarten classes talking with the kids when it hit me.  My son is the same age as these kids.  My son should be at my school sitting in this class with me.  He should be able to have a conversation with me like they are, telling me funny stories about their summer.  He should be able to have friends like they do.   I learned to stop comparing to him to other kids a long time ago.  He has his own awesomeness that cannot be compared to anyone else.  But, in this one moment it just hit me and I almost couldn’t breathe.  The old suffocating feeling of worry and panic was creeping up on me.  Will he ever be able to fully communicate?  Will he ever have friends?  Live on his own? Take care of himself?  What other struggles will he endure as he grows older?  Will he be happy?  But, I stopped the train wreck of misery, I did breathe and I didn’t let it get to me like it used to.  I thought about his adorable smile, his blue eyes, his spirit, and his laugh.  I thought about how lucky I am to have him and I let it go.  Go me. :)

1 comment:

  1. My heart & prayers go out to you! I remember the good posts from this summer: like him singing songs to you, his maze of trucks & toys in the back yard, & him playing with the frog, but I forget about all of the other days in between! I pray that he'll have a good school year with special Blessings on him, his teacher, and his beautiful family!!! LOVE TO ALL...